Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
