It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize