tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
