By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
