theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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