I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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