Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
