i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
