We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
