i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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