I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
