i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
