i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i came on her dog
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
