I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize