i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
