you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
