The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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