my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
