i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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