im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Redeem this text for a blowjob
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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