After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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