He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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