just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
