Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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