i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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