my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Welp...herpes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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