Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
