i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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