haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
