Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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