I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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