someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
