i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
