Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
