never play flip cup with pint glasses
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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