Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't deserve a penis
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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