12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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