I just pynch a tree in the face
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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