y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
