She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
