New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
