it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
