Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
