I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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