there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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