And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
