Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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