I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
