Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
