why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
