Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
