Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
