He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
