Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
