Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Less talking, more tequila
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
