It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
