We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
