can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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