Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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