It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
