so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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