I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
