I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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