Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I need to stop coming to work sober
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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