Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
