worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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