im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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