My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
