I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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