if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
