Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
